S3 Episode 3: The Transformative Power of Forgiveness: Unlocking Emotional Freedom

Can forgiveness truly set you free from the shackles of past pain? Join me, Calvin Williams, as we unravel this profound question on The Counselor's Couch, exploring the transformative power of forgiveness that goes far beyond simply forgetting or pardoning others. Discover how consciously choosing to release resentment can liberate you from emotional burdens, enhance your mental and emotional well-being, and even improve physical health. We’ll challenge common misconceptions about forgiveness and delve into its profound benefits, such as reducing stress and promoting personal peace. Self-forgiveness, a crucial aspect often overlooked, also takes center stage as we discuss overcoming shame and self-blame.

Unlock practical steps to embrace forgiveness as a journey of healing and growth. We're talking about writing unsent letters, visualizing the release of hurt, and practicing mindfulness and affirmations. Learn how shifting your perspective can help you understand the reasons behind hurtful actions, and why self-compassion is a vital component in forgiving ourselves. Embrace forgiveness as a gift to yourself—it’s a powerful tool that strengthens relationships and signifies strength. Join us as we redefine forgiveness as the key to emotional freedom and personal transformation.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Power of Forgiveness
• 15:51 The Art of Forgiveness

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:26

Greetings everybody and welcome back to the Counselor's Couch where we get real about life, mental health and everything that helps us live a balanced and fulfilling life. I'm your host, calvin Williams, licensed professional counselor, here to talk through some of the most essential tools that you can use to build your mental wellness. You know, I hope you're having a great week. I don't know about you guys, but I get so excited about this time of year. We're on the edge of the holidays. Thanksgiving is upon us and Christmas will quickly follow. You know, I guess I could weigh in on the much debated controversy of when to decorate, but I'm somebody that would leave the Christmas tree up all year long if I could, you know. I know there are separate holidays, but I think about how they're connected. Christmas time is a time of Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving is a great time to prepare for the gift of Christmas. To me, it doesn't really matter when or if you decorate. I just hope you find time to pause and reflect on the beauty around you and find joy in your moments. For many people, this is a stressful time of expectations, commitments and fellowship, which can make our topic this week even more relevant. Perhaps you're still struggling with hurt feelings or disappointments from encounters last year and this is the first time that you're going to face some of those people. Well then, pay close attention today. I hope this session will help.

Speaker 1: 1:48

Today we're diving into a topic that can be transformative, challenging and deeply healing the power of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a complex concept and a powerful tool for mental and emotional well-being. It's something that can lift a heavy weight off your hearts and help us move forward from pain, betrayal or even regret. But forgiveness isn't just about other people. It's also about learning to forgive ourselves. Whether it's letting go of hurt caused by others or finding peace within ourselves, forgiveness can be liberating. In today's session, we're going to explore what forgiveness really means, why it's so important for mental health and how to practice forgiveness in a way that's healthy and genuine. Forgiveness is a journey, and I hope this episode gives you the understanding and tools you need to start or continue your own path to forgiveness.

Speaker 1: 2:47

But before we get started, let me remind you again nothing provided in this podcast implies a therapeutic relationship between counselor and client. It is solely for education and entertainment. I hope, to empower you to become more self-aware and challenge you to create the life you desire. Counseling can help you overcome challenges, enhance your relationships and develop skills to lead the life you want. If you're considering therapy, then please reach out to a trained, licensed professional in your community. If you're interested in seeking counseling in the Monroe Louisiana area, or if you live anywhere in Louisiana and you are interested in participating in teletherapy with state-approved professionals, well then contact the providers at HealthPoint Center. Change starts here. Psychology and Counseling Services. Healthpoint is a collaboration of independent professionals who are dedicated to improving your quality of life and guiding you on a positive path toward change. That's HealthPoint Center, located at 1818 Avenue of America, monroe, louisiana. So call today to inquire about services providers or book an appointment at area code 318-998-2700.

Speaker 1: 3:59

Well, it's that time again. So pull up a cushion, kick off your shoes and grab a cup of coffee. Let's get started with the session. So let's start by breaking down what forgiveness really means.

Speaker 1: 4:13

Forgiveness can be misunderstood as simply forgetting or letting somebody off the hook, but true forgiveness is much deeper than that. At its core, forgiveness is a conscious decision to release feelings of resentment or anger towards somebody who has wronged you, regardless of whether they deserve it or not. Forgiveness is relinquishing our right to retribution. Forgiveness is about freeing ourselves from the emotional burden that comes with holding on to grudges, bitterness or hatred. This doesn't mean that we excuse or condone hurtful behavior, and it doesn't mean we're pretending something didn't happen or that we're allowing ourselves to be mistreated again. Instead, forgiveness is a process of letting go of the anger or pain that keeps us emotionally tied to that person or the situation. For example, imagine someone betrayed your trust. Deeply Forgiving them doesn't mean that you need to let them back into your life, but by choosing to forgive, you're deciding to release the hold that resentment has on you. You're allowing yourself to move forward rather than being weighed down by what happened in the past. It's hard to move forward when you're anchored to the past and the pain.

Speaker 1: 5:33

Now let's talk about why forgiveness is so vital for your mental health. Research shows that forgiveness can have profound effects on both our psychological and physical health. When we hold on to anger or resentment, our bodies are in a constant state of stress. This can lead to higher blood pressure, increased risks of depression, anxiety and even heart disease. From a psychological perspective, holding on to grudges keeps us mentally stuck. We replay the situation over and over in our minds, reliving the pain and reinforcing those uncomfortable emotions. This can cloud our ability to experience joy, make it harder to build trusting relationships and leave us feeling drained or exhausted. Forgiveness, on the other hand, allows us to release that anger and stress, leading to improved mood, healthy relationships and greater inner peace. What many people don't understand is that the peace you are seeking cannot coexist with the anger or the hurt that you have from unforgiveness.

Speaker 1: 6:41

It's also worth mentioning that forgiveness isn't just about others. Self-forgiveness being able to forgive ourselves for mistakes or regrets can be one of the hardest and most powerful forms of forgiveness can be one of the hardest and most powerful forms of forgiveness. Self-forgiveness frees us up from shame and self-blame, helping us accept ourselves fully, flaws and all. However, since there are so many common myths and misconceptions regarding forgiveness, I think it'll be helpful to kind of explore a few, now that we know what forgiveness really is. Now, these are the top five myths that I believe have a tendency of making our path towards forgiveness more challenging.

Speaker 1: 7:23

Myth number one forgiveness means forgetting. This is one of the most common misconceptions. Many people believe that forgiving someone requires us to forget what happened, almost as if we're erasing the event from our memory. However, this simply isn't true, nor is it healthy. The truth forgiveness isn't about erasing memories or pretending the hurt didn't happen. Instead, it's about releasing the emotional grip that the event has had over you. It's about releasing the emotional grip that the event has had over you. Forgiving someone doesn't mean condoning or forgetting their actions. It means you've made the choice to move on without carrying the burden of resentment. You can remember what happened, learn from it and still forgive, keeping healthy boundaries when needed. Now why this myth persists? There's often a desire to avoid revisiting painful memories, and forgive and forget sounds simple, but real forgiveness takes intentional work and reflection and doesn't require an eraser, just an emotional release. Just an emotional release.

Speaker 1: 8:33

Myth number two forgiveness is a sign of weakness. It seems to be a widespread belief that forgiveness somehow makes you weak or that it's an act of submission. People sometimes worry that forgiving someone who's hurt them makes them look like they're allowing that behavior or failing to stand up for themselves. Well, the truth is, forgiveness actually takes immense strength, courage and emotional resilience. Choosing to forgive requires looking at our pain honestly and deciding to let go of resentment, which is often more harder than staying angry or bitter. Far from being weak, forgiveness reflects self-respect and the strength to move forward without letting the actions of others control our well-being. Now why does this myth persist? Our culture often values retribution or getting even, especially in movies or on social media. But true strength isn't about holding on to grudges. It's about finding peace within ourselves, even when it feels difficult.

Speaker 1: 9:38

Myth number three Forgiveness happens all at once. Another misconception is that forgiveness is a single event or a simple choice that we make once and then it's over. Many people believe that once we forgive, we're automatically free of the hurt. Many people believe that once we forgive, we're automatically free of the hurt. Well, the truth is, forgiveness is often a process rather than a one-time decision, especially if the hurt was deep. Forgiveness can happen in stages. It's normal to have lingering feelings or memories that resurface from time to time. For some, forgiveness might take weeks or even years, and there might be setbacks along the way. What matters is the ongoing intention to let go and the patience to allow yourself to process complex feelings. So why does this myth persist? We tend to expect immediate results, especially when it comes to emotional work. Society often promotes quick fixes, which can lead to the mistaken belief that forgiveness should be fast or easy. Real forgiveness unfolds at its own pace, often gradually.

Speaker 1: 10:49

Myth number four Forgiveness means you have to reconcile. This is a significant myth that can create unnecessary pressure. Many people think that if they forgive someone, they're expected to resume the relationship or return to the status quo with that person. Well, the truth is, forgiveness and reconciliation are separate. You can forgive someone without allowing them back into your life. Forgiveness is an internal process. It's about releasing uncomfortable emotions, while reconciliation involves rebuilding trust and connection, which may or may not be possible or healthy. If the person who hurt you is unwilling to change, or if maintaining the relationship would harm you, it's perfectly acceptable to forgive them and still choose to maintain distance. Now why this myth persists? There's often a social pressure to keep peace or maintain family or friendship connections, leading people to believe that forgiveness means accepting harmful behavior. In reality, forgiveness is a boundary-setting tool that can coexist with healthy distance.

Speaker 1: 12:02

Myth number five Forgiveness requires the offender to apologize. Many people believe they can't forgive unless the person who hurt them apologizes sincerely and shows remorse. The reality is forgiveness is an internal choice that doesn't depend on the actions of others. While an apology can be validating, it's not required for forgiveness. Sometimes people hurt us without ever acknowledging it, or they're unable to apologize. Waiting for their apology keeps us tied to their actions, while choosing to forgive without it frees us, regardless of the response. I tend to reflect on the final words of Jesus on the cross, when he said Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. What a beautiful example of releasing a right to be angry or hurt.

Speaker 1: 12:56

This myth can leave people feeling trapped in their pain, waiting for closure that may never come. When we realize that forgiveness is within our control and doesn't depend on the actions of others, we gain the power to move forward independently. We're free to stop waiting around for something that may never come and move forward with creating the life you want. These myths can keep us from embracing the full potential of forgiveness, turning it into something intimidating or impossible. When we understand that forgiveness is not about forgetting weakness, reconciliation or assigning blame, we can approach it with a mindset that is focused on our well-being. Forgiveness is about reclaiming our peace and freeing ourselves from the emotional weight of resentment. It's not about the person or event that caused the pain. Each myth that we dismantle brings us closer to forgiveness as an empowering and liberating choice, allowing us to move forward with resilience and a sense of self-respect. Now that we've cleared up some of the myths, let's talk about what the process of forgiveness actually looks like. I want you to understand that forgiveness is a journey and, while it's different for everybody, there are some common steps that can guide you along the way.

Speaker 1: 14:18

Step number one acknowledge your pain. The first step in forgiving someone is to fully acknowledge to ourselves the pain they caused. Often, we try to minimize our hurt or brush it off, but real forgiveness starts with recognizing and validating our feelings. This can be tough because it means facing uncomfortable emotions, but acknowledging the pain is essential for healing. Step number two accept your emotions. Forgiveness isn't about pretending you're okay. It's about accepting that you're hurt, angry or disappointed, and allowing yourself to feel these emotions. You might feel sad, angry or even betrayed, and that's all okay. Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions without judging yourself.

Speaker 1: 15:10

Step three make a conscious choice to forgive. Forgiveness doesn't just happen. It's a conscious choice to let go of resentment. Now this step is about setting the intention to forgive. You might say to yourself, often out loud I'm choosing to release this anger, I'm choosing to forgive. Now. This is an important mental shift, even if you don't fully feel it right now, it's part of the process. Saying it out loud can be healing in and of itself. It makes it real and it establishes a direction for your thoughts.

Speaker 1: 15:52

Step number four shift your perspective. One powerful step in forgiveness is to try seeing the situation from a different perspective. Now, this doesn't mean you excuse the person's behavior, but sometimes understanding why they acted as they did can help us let go of anger. Maybe they were struggling with their own pain and insecurities. Again, this isn't about justifying what they did, but finding a way to see the situation in a way that helps us release our hold on the pain.

Speaker 1: 16:25

Number five release the resentment. This is the heart of forgiveness Releasing the resentment. This step is often the hardest, but it's the most liberating. Sometimes writing a letter to the person, even if you don't send it, can help. Other times, meditation or visualization techniques can be useful, where you imagine the resentment leaving your body and being replaced by peace. Finally, step six practice self-compassion. Forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness, requires a lot of self-compassion. Remind yourself that it's okay to feel hurt or to make mistakes. Speak kindly to yourself and practice patience as you work through the process.

Speaker 1: 17:18

Now let's talk about the benefits of forgiveness. When we forgive, we're not just helping the person we're forgiving, we're actually giving ourselves an incredible gift. Forgiveness gives us emotional freedom. When we hold on to anger or bitterness, we're essentially carrying emotional baggage that weighs us down. Forgiveness allows us to put that baggage down and feel lighter, freer and more at peace.

Speaker 1: 17:48

Forgiveness doesn't just affect the relationship with the person you're forgiving. It can improve your relationships with others. When we carry resentments, it can improve your relationships with others. When we carry resentments, it can spell over into other areas of our lives, making us less trusting, more irritable and more defensive. Letting go of resentment helps us approach relationships with a healthier, more open heart. Research shows that holding onto anger and resentment can increase stress, which affects our physical health. When we forgive, we reduce stress hormones, lower our blood pressure and improve immune function. Forgiveness is good for the heart, both emotionally and physically. Finally, when we forgive, we're living in alignment with our values. Forgiveness shows strength, integrity and emotional maturity. It's a way of respecting ourselves and not allowing others' actions to dictate our emotional well-being.

Speaker 1: 18:45

Here are some practical tips for forgiving others that you can start working on today. Number one write a letter you don't send. Sometimes it helps to get everything out on paper. Write a letter to the person who hurt you. Pour out your feelings, your anger, your pain. You don't need to send it. This exercise is for you to help you process your feelings and to let go.

Speaker 1: 19:11

Another tip practice mindfulness. Mindfulness helps you stay present and observe your emotions without judgment. When feelings of anger and resentment come up, practice observing them without reacting. Just notice the feelings, accept them and let them pass. Another one visualize releasing the hurt. A visualization exercise can help in letting go of resentment. Imagine the hurt as a physical weight on your body. Visualize yourself letting it go, releasing it and feeling lighter and freer. Another one repeat affirmations of forgiveness. Create affirmations that resonate with you, like I choose to forgive and free myself from this pain, or I release anger and embrace peace. Repeat these affirmations or these assertions regularly to help shift your mindset. Finally give yourself time Remember. Finally give yourself time. Remember. Forgiveness is a process. It's okay if it takes time. Be patient with yourself and allow the healing to unfold naturally.

Speaker 1: 20:26

Now, as I mentioned earlier, one of the most challenging forms of forgiveness is self-forgiveness. Often we hold onto mistakes or regrets with self-blame and guilt. But just like forgiving others. Self-forgiveness is about letting go of the weight of these emotions. The first step in self-forgiveness is to take responsibility for your actions. Accept that you made a mistake, but don't label yourself as bad or unworthy. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and these moments don't define who you are. Secondly, instead of focusing on shame, focus on what you've learned. Every experience has a lesson, and when we learn from our mistakes, we grow. Practice self-compassion. Speak kindly to yourself. Remind yourself that you're human and that you're doing the best you can. Practice self-compassion as you would with a close friend Now.

Speaker 1: 21:29

Forgiveness isn't easy, folks, but it's one of the most powerful things that you can do for your mental, emotional and physical well-being things that you can do for your mental, emotional and physical well-being, whether it's forgiving someone else or yourself. Forgiveness allows us to release the hold that past hurts have on us and move forward with peace, strength and freedom. Well, that's all the time we have for today, and I want to thank you for joining me on the Counselor's Couch. Remember, forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself. Take your time, be kind to yourself and trust that you're on a journey of healing and growth. Today, I want to leave you with a quote from Mahatma Gandhi the weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Remember folks, life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. You are not alone. You're more capable than you ever know. Embrace it. Live intentionally, love daily and laugh often. Do your best today and become what you can, because, folks, the world needs you.

Speaker 1: 22:35

Please subscribe and follow me on whatever format you use to listen to podcasts. And remember, take a moment to leave a review on Apple Podcast. Give us a shout out and let me know what you think, and take a minute to share the episode with a friend or a family member. I really want to get the message out there that you are not alone. Connection is key. Now, if you have any questions or comments about the podcast, you can email them directly to calvin at calvincwilliamslpccom, or you can reach me on Facebook at Williams Professional Counseling Services LLC. You can even check out my website at wwwcalvincwilliamslpccom. Or if you would like to schedule a therapy session with me, then contact us at HealthPoint Center, area code 318-998-2700. I always look forward to hearing from listeners, so please feel free to submit topics of interest, comments or questions. Keep coming back. Thanks again for stopping by and remember folks. There's always room for you on the counselor's couch.