S3 Episode 4: Uncovering Resilience: Your Secret Weapon for a Happier Life

Can resilience be your secret weapon for a happier, healthier life? Join us on the Counselor's Couch as we uncover the transformative nature of resilience and its potential to enhance mental well-being. Resilience isn't just about bouncing back from adversity—it's about adapting, thriving, and discovering growth in the face of life's challenges. You’ll find out how resilient individuals experience strong emotions yet use them as catalysts for progress rather than roadblocks. We promise you'll learn how to nurture and cultivate resilience as a skill, turning life's unpredictability into opportunities for a more fulfilling existence. 

This episode challenges common misconceptions about resilience, asserting that strength doesn’t mean going it alone. We explore how support systems play a pivotal role in fortifying your resilience. From emotional awareness to self-efficacy, get ready to equip yourself with practical strategies like journaling, self-compassion, and building a robust support network. By the end of our conversation, setbacks will appear less as obstacles and more as stepping stones for personal growth. Whether you're facing everyday stresses or significant life changes, these insights will arm you with the tools to handle anything life throws your way.

Chapters

• 0:00 Building Resilience for Mental Health
• 8:05 Building Resilience Through Core Concepts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

Greetings everybody and welcome back to the Counselor's Couch. I'm your host, calvin Williams, licensed professional counselor, and this is the place where we sit down, get comfortable and dive deep into the things that really matter for mental health and well-being. Perhaps you've noticed a sense of tension and unrest lately. You know I often avoid being political on this podcast because I believe this is not really the place for it. I want to focus on the future and building or creating the life in the world that we desire. I believe it's possible Now, given the recent election and the intense mixed reactions around the country. I wanted to offer an episode on something I believe we can all access, regardless of your affiliation or what was decided privately behind the pull booth curtain.

Speaker 1: 1:11

Whenever I go through changes in my life, I find it helpful to control the controllables. I don't find it helpful to focus on problems. I find it helpful to embrace my ability to problem solve. I find it most helpful to embrace resiliency. Whether it's dealing with everyday stress, overcoming a tough breakup, handling grief or facing a major life crisis, resiliency is the skill that helps us bounce back. But here's the thing Resilience isn't a personality trait that only a few lucky people are born with. It's a skill and, like any other skill, it can be developed, strengthened and nurtured. Today we're going to explore what resilience is, why it's so important, and specific strategies that you can start using today to build resilience in your own life. But before we get started, let me remind you again nothing provided in this podcast implies a therapeutic relationship between counselor and client. It is solely for education and entertainment, I hope, to empower you to become more self-aware and challenge you to create the life you desire. Counseling can help you overcome challenges, enhance your relationships and develop skills to lead the life you want. If you're considering therapy, then please reach out to a trained, licensed professional in your community Now. If you're interested in seeking counseling in the Monroe, louisiana area, or if you live anywhere in Louisiana and you're interested in participating in teletherapy with state-approved professionals, well then contact the providers at HealthPoint Center. Change starts here. Psychology and Counseling Services. Healthpoint is a collaboration of independent professionals who are dedicated to improving your quality of life and guiding you on a positive path toward change. That's HealthPoint Center, located at 1818 Avenue of America, monroe, louisiana. So call today to inquire about services providers or book an appointment at area code 318-998-2700.

Speaker 1: 3:18

Well, it's that time again. So pull up a cushion, kick off your shoes and grab a cup of coffee. Let's get started with the session. Let's start with the basics session. Let's start with the basics.

Speaker 1: 3:35

What exactly is resiliency? When we hear the word resilience, we often think of bouncing back like a rubber band, snapping back into place. But resilience is more than that. It's about how we adapt and thrive in the face of adversity. It's the mental reservoir of strength that helps us face stress and recover from difficult situations. It's not about ignoring or brushing off tough emotions. In fact, resilience includes experiencing those emotions, processing them and then moving forward in a way that's healthy and productive. For example, think about somebody who lost their job unexpectedly. They might feel a range of emotions fear, sadness, even anger but a resilient person will take those feelings, process them and begin to focus on what's next. They may reach out for support, start looking for new opportunities and even consider that this may be a chance for a career pivot.

Speaker 1: 4:30

Resilient people build and they create. Resilient people don't ruminate on the external factors, because it's not about the world around us. It's about our ability to navigate the world around us. Resilient people don't take on a victim role because, well, they're not a victim. They embrace challenges and difficulties because they are empowered by their abilities to cope and adapt. Resilience is about facing the reality of a situation, acknowledging our emotions and finding ways to adapt and continue forward. It's a skill set that helps us stay grounded even in uncertain or turbulent times. Stay grounded even in uncertain or turbulent times.

Speaker 1: 5:11

So why does resiliency matter so much? Well, for one life is unpredictable. We're all going to face challenges, whether they're big life events or smaller daily stressors, and without resilience, these challenges can lead to mental health issues like anxiety, depression and chronic stress. Resilience also improves our overall well-being. Many studies, in fact, show that resilient people tend to have a more positive outlook on life, they're more likely to reach their goals and they're better at handling relationships in a healthy way. In short, resilience helps us lead a happier, healthier and more fulfilling life.

Speaker 1: 5:51

It's also worth noting that resilience isn't just for the big life events. It's equally important in the day-to-day functioning. Resilience helps us deal with a tough day at work, a disagreement with a friend, or even just the overwhelming nature of a busy schedule. Friend, or even just the overwhelming nature of a busy schedule. Unfortunately, there are many people who lack an understanding of resiliency. I guess I can get this kind of confused in our TikTok social media world. So let's talk about some of the myths around resiliency, because there are a few out there that can actually hold you back from developing resiliency. You out there that can actually hold you back from developing resiliency.

Speaker 1: 6:33

Myth number one resilient people don't experience strong emotions. Well, this is a huge misconception. Resilience doesn't mean that you don't feel hurt, sad or frustrated. In fact, resilient people are often very in touch with their emotions. They just don't let those emotions define their actions in the long term. They acknowledge their feelings, but they don't become overwhelmed by them. Yes, this does take work. It's simple, but it's not easy. We're often too quick to allow the emotions to make decisions rather than act in our best interest in that moment. If you reflect on some of the worst decisions you've ever made, I'm sure you could connect them to an emotion. But it's not about the emotion. It's about what you do with the emotion that really matters.

Speaker 1: 7:19

Myth number two you're either resilient or you're not. Resilience isn't something you're born with. Remember, it's a skill that can be cultivated. Some people may develop resilience early in life due to their experiences, but everyone can strengthen this skill with practice. Skills are always something that can be learned and developed when you practice. You may have heard me say in previous sessions nothing will be asked of you that you cannot do or learn to do Moving forward in your life. The question will always be are you willing to do it? I find hope in the idea that resiliency Resiliency is a skill, because if I'm aware I lack a skill, I can learn it.

Speaker 1: 8:06

Myth number three resilience means you can go it alone. This is another huge common misconception that resilient people don't need support. The truth is, resilient people often rely on their support systems. Resilient people often rely on their support systems. They understand the importance of leaning on others, asking for help and using their available resources. You know, if we were meant to do things alone, then I believe there would only be one of us here. There are billions of people on this planet for a reason Because people need people. All right, now that we know what resiliency is and why it's important, let's talk about the building blocks of resiliency Now. These are the core components that we can work on to develop this skill.

Speaker 1: 8:56

The first is emotional awareness. This is the first building block towards a resilient life. This means understanding what you're feeling and why you're feeling it. Emotional awareness helps you process your emotions in a healthy way, rather than pushing them down or ignoring them. We're often too quick to fix the feeling and avoid discomfort. Well, I'm going to let you in on a little secret Feelings don't need to be fixed, they need to be felt, believe it or not. By becoming emotionally aware and processing our emotions, they will reveal to us the problems that we can fix. Emotions are a resource, not a curse or a handicap. There's nothing wrong with your feelings. They're just trying to tell you something about yourself. Embrace the information. One great way to develop emotional awareness is through journaling. By writing down what you're experiencing, you can begin to recognize patterns, triggers and the ways in which certain situations impact your emotions.

Speaker 1: 10:00

Another building block is learn problem-solving skills. Resilient people are often effective problem solvers. They don't get paralyzed by issues. Instead, they break them down, assess possible solutions and take action. Developing problem-solving skills can help you feel more in control, even when life throws you a curveball. Now one approach is the step-by-step method. Break down big problems into smaller, manageable steps and tackle them one at a time. This can help prevent feelings of being overwhelmed and keep you moving forward.

Speaker 1: 10:39

Next, self-efficacy Now, self-efficacy is the belief in your own ability to handle life's challenges. When you believe in yourself, you're more likely to take on difficult situations and persevere. Building self-efficacy often comes from setting those small goals and accomplishing them, which builds confidence. I believe you're more capable than you will ever know, and unless you're willing to go there, you will never know it. Think about how many times you felt like you would never overcome that situation. You would never get over that heartbreak or never find another job. But you did Somewhere on your journey so far, you experienced a moment where you thought it was the end. You didn't see a way through it, but you made it. You made it to be here today. So what makes you think you're not going to make it through the next one? You will, and your self-efficacy grows. I know it hurts right now and it's scary, but I wouldn't take it away from you because I know that when you come out the other side, you'll be stronger and more skilled for it.

Speaker 1: 11:50

Finally, optimism. This doesn't mean ignoring the negative or being unrealistically positive like a Pollyanna. It's about choosing to see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles. A resilient person might look at a setback as a chance to learn something new or gain a fresh perspective. Cultivating an optimistic mindset is key to overcoming challenges. Now that we understand the building blocks of resiliency, let's look at some effective strategies for building and enhancing resilience that we often use in counseling Now. Many of these are easily adapted to meet each client's unique needs and circumstances.

Speaker 1: 12:34

The first practice self-compassion. One of the biggest components of resiliency is the ability to treat yourself with kindness during tough times. When you're going through a rough patch, many people are hard on themselves, but that only makes things worse. Instead, try practicing self-compassion. Be kind, understanding and patient with yourself. Avoid negative self-talk and instead practice speaking to yourself like you would to a friend, gently and with understanding. Counselors work with clients to practice self-compassion. We teach them to replace negative self-talk with kindness, patience and understanding.

Speaker 1: 13:18

Second, build a support network. You know, like I said earlier, we're not meant to go through life alone. Having people you can lean on during tough times is crucial for resiliency, whether it's friends, family or even a professional like a counselor. Having someone to talk to can make all the difference. So when you're going through something difficult, connect with friends, family or a mentor who can provide emotional support and guidance. Counselors help clients identify and nurture supportive relationships. They may guide clients in setting boundaries, improving communication skills or even reconnecting with important people in their lives, as strong relationships create a network of people you can rely on during tough times. The counselor-client relationship itself provides a foundation for resilience. Counselors offer a judgment-free space for clients to explore difficult emotions and share personal experiences. The supportive environment allows clients to develop and practice resilience in a safe context.

Speaker 1: 14:25

Next, continue to build those problem-solving skills. When problems arise, avoid focusing on the feeling of being overwhelmed. Instead, brainstorm possible solutions, evaluate them and take action. Believe it or not, problem solving is not actually complicated. It can be done in three simple steps you must believe there's a problem, you must believe that there's a solution and then you must be willing to apply the solution. Simple. Unfortunately, it's not easy and we complicate it. Counselors help clients break down overwhelming problems into manageable steps by working together on practical problem-solving skills.

Speaker 1: 15:07

In counseling, clients learn to approach issues methodically, enhancing their ability to handle future challenges independently. Now the next one. I cannot stress this one enough. Develop emotional awareness. Spend time understanding your emotions. Journaling or reflecting can help you recognize patterns, understand triggers and become more adaptable in your responses. Counselors will often guide clients to understanding their emotions and recognizing those patterns in their thoughts and behaviors, and we help you process difficult feelings. This self-awareness is a foundation to resiliency, helping clients respond more effectively in challenging situations.

Speaker 1: 15:51

Now, speaking of effectively dealing with challenging situations, learn effective coping strategies. Counselors introduce and practice healthy coping strategies tailored to the client's needs. Now these might include mindfulness exercises, deep breathing exercises, grounding exercises and, as I've already emphasized, journaling. These techniques help clients manage stress and can prevent you from becoming emotionally overwhelmed. Mindfulness can help you stay present and focused rather than getting lost in the worry about the future or regret over your past. Mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing, or even just taking a moment to focus on your senses, can help you stay grounded. Now, other coping strategies may include relaxation and stress management techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery. These tools actually help clients manage anxiety, improve focus and stay calm in adversity.

Speaker 1: 16:51

Life is unpredictable and cultivating flexibility helps you adjust when things don't go as planned. If you view change as a normal part of life, you can reduce feelings of anxiety or frustration. Next, develop a routine. When everything feels chaotic, having a routine can provide a sense of stability and control. It doesn't have to be rigid, but having some structure in your day can help ground you and give you a sense of normalcy.

Speaker 1: 17:20

Try focusing on your physical health Now. This directly impacts mental resilience. Prioritize exercise, adequate sleep and a balanced diet. Physical health boosts your energy, your mood and your overall capacity to handle stress. Next, set realistic goals and take small steps. You always want to break large challenges into manageable goals. Accomplishing these small tasks can create a sense of achievement, making it easier to progress towards larger goals. These small wins help build your confidence and keep you moving forward. Each accomplishment builds confidence and creates a sense of progress, which can be especially motivating when facing long-term challenges. It's like the old saying goes how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time? You sometimes just need to borrow a fork and get to it.

Speaker 1: 18:15

Next, strengthen optimism. Cultivate a positive outlook by focusing on what you can control. Try reframing challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, which helps in viewing difficulties with a constructive mindset. Counselors help clients build optimism by recognizing their strengths and positive qualities. Building awareness of these assets gives clients confidence in their ability to handle challenges and promotes a sense of self-efficacy. I often encourage clients to view setbacks and mistakes as learning opportunities. By reframing challenges in a positive light, clients can develop an optimistic, growth-oriented mindset, which is critical for your resiliency, and, finally, seek professional support. If needed, don't hesitate to reach out to a counselor, a therapist or a coach. Professional guidance can provide new perspectives, support and strategies tailored to your unique experiences. Through these and other approaches, counselors help clients cultivate resilience, equipping them with skills and mindsets that support mental and emotional well-being in the face of life's challenges.

Speaker 1: 19:28

Now that we've covered a lot of the theory, let's hear about resiliency in action. I want to share with you a couple of examples just to show you how these strategies work. The first story is we'll call her Sarah. Sarah lost her job unexpectedly last year and at first she felt devastated and overwhelmed. She started by acknowledging her feelings and giving herself time to grieve the loss. After processing her emotions, she began setting small goals, like updating her resume and reaching out to contacts, with support from her family and friends. Not only did she find a new job, but she found one that aligned even better with her passions.

Speaker 1: 20:11

Another story we'll call him James. James faced a health crisis that changed his life. The journey was tough, but he found solace in a daily routine that helped him maintain a sense of control. He also leaned on his loved ones for support and used mindfulness techniques to stay focused on the present moment. Even though it wasn't easy, he came through stronger and with a renewed sense of purpose. Remember, resiliency is a journey, it's not a destination. It's a skill that we can continue to build and strengthen throughout our lives. The more difficult a situation, the greater opportunity we have for growth and resiliency development. Remember, resilience doesn't mean avoiding pain. It means having the tools to navigate through it and come out the other side.

Speaker 1: 21:01

Now, if you're interested in reading more about resiliency, then here are a few book suggestions that I found very useful. These books cover practical tools, insights from psychology, personal stories and mindfulness techniques to kind of help you build resilience and improve your mental well-being. Now you can find these books listed in the episode transcript, which is a new feature that we've added recently for the podcast. The first one is called the Resilience Factor Seven Essential Skills for Overcoming Life's Inevitable Obstacles by Karen Ryvek and Andrew Shate. This book represents a research-based framework for building resilience. You know they focus on seven particular skills that will help readers handle adversity and manage stress more effectively.

Speaker 1: 21:49

Number two, option B Facing Adversity, building Resilience and Finding Joy, by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. Through personal experiences and psychological insights, this book explores how we can overcome hardships and find meaning after loss, with practical strategies for building resilience. Now this next one is one of my favorites Rising Strong how the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way we Live, love, parent and Lead, by Brene Brown. Brene examines how people can recover from setbacks, learn from failures and rise stronger. Her work provides a powerful perspective on the vulnerability and courage required for resilience. Another one Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Now, this is a wonderful book that we actually had to read long ago in graduate school. Viktor Frankl's powerful memoir about his time in Nazi concentration camps illustrates the importance of finding meaning and purpose even in the darkest situations. It's a profound read on inner resilience. It's also very helpful to kind of put things in perspective when we're stuck in our own personal struggles.

Speaker 1: 23:07

Another Atomic Habits also on my top 10 reading list Atomic Habits an Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones, by James Clear. Clear explores the role of habits and resilience. Building small, positive habits can strengthen resilience over time, as they contribute to a stable foundation for personal growth and success. Finally, consider the Happiness Trap how to Stop Struggling and Start Living, by Russ Harris. This book is based on acceptance and commitment therapy. This book offers a unique perspective in handling difficult emotions and building resilience by living in alignment with personal values. Now, each of these books provides unique insights and tools to help you foster resilience, whether through mindset shifts, mindfulness practices or practical problem-solving approaches. These books are accessible and applicable, providing clients with concrete steps to build a resilient, positive approach to life's challenges.

Speaker 1: 24:12

Now, as we close today, think about one strategy or one building block of resiliency that you can start incorporating into your own life. Maybe it's practicing self-compassion, reaching out for support or setting small, realistic goals. Whatever it is, know that resilience is within your reach and every small step you take is a step toward creating a more resilient, empowered life. Now, today, I want to leave you with a quote from the Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius you have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. Remember folks. Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. You are not alone. You're more capable than you will ever know. Embrace it. Live intentionally. Love daily and laugh often. Do your best today and become what you can, because the world needs you.

Speaker 1: 25:14

Please subscribe and follow me on whatever format you use to listen to podcasts. Remember to take a moment to leave a review on Apple Podcasts and give us a shout out and let me know what you think, and take a minute to share the episode with a friend or a family member. I really want to get the message out there that you are not alone. Connection is key Now if you have any questions or comments about the podcast. Connection is key Now. If you have any questions or comments about the podcast, you can email them directly to calvin at calvincwilliamslpccom, or you can reach me on Facebook at the Counselor's Couch. You can even check out my website, wwwcalvincwilliamslpccom. Or if you'd like to schedule a therapy session with me, then contact us at HealthPoint Center, area code 318-998-2700. I always look forward to hearing from listeners, so please feel free to submit topics of interest, comments or questions. Keep coming back. Thanks again for stopping by and remember folks, there's always room for you on the counselor's couch.