S3 Episode 7: Developing Effective Leadership Skills - It's Not About You!!!

What is true leadership? Join Calvin as he explores the critical importance of effective leadership and how it shapes future generations. We discuss essential characteristics of true leadership, strategies for personal growth, and the vital role of self-awareness, core values, vision, and emotional resilience in cultivating a leadership style that inspires and motivates others. 
• Exploring the disconnection between leadership responsibilities and influence 
• The importance of self-awareness for effective leadership 
• Core values as a guide for leadership decisions 
• Developing and articulating a clear vision to motivate others 
• The role of adaptability in navigating change 
• Crucial leadership skills: communication, emotional intelligence, and decision-making 
• Addressing common leadership pitfalls for better team dynamics 
• Embracing a growth mindset for ongoing leadership development 

Chapters

• 0:00 Cultivating Effective Leadership Skills
• 10:30 Foundational Elements of Effective Leadership
• 29:27 Building Community Engagement and Support

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

Greetings everybody and welcome back to the Counselor's Couch. I'm your host, calvin Williams, licensed professional counselor, and I am thrilled to have you here today. Whether you're tuning in from your car, your living room or on a brisk morning walk, I'm here to provide insights, strategies and reflections to help you grow, both personally and professionally. Now, today's episode is one that I've been eager to share with you. In fact, I think I'm going to do a whole series on this particular topic, because it's necessary. We're diving deep into a topic that impacts everyone, whether directly or indirectly Leadership. Specifically, we'll be exploring how to cultivate effective leadership skills.

Speaker 1: 1:08

Now, this happens to be a very timely topic for me, because I've been dealing with a couple of organizations in the higher education industry that seem to be lacking leadership, or, let me say, I've been disappointed with what is passing as leadership. I think we have people in positions of leadership without a clear understanding of what it truly means or the character traits needed to be an effective leader. They're more interested in being a boss. They're driven by power. True leadership is not about being in charge. It's about taking care of those in your charge. Now, I wish I could take credit for that statement, but I can't. That's a quote from Simon Sinek. Now, if you will allow me a few moments to rant before we dig into this topic, I believe I can clarify for you what makes this so important, especially in higher education. I've noticed lately that several institutions of higher learning that I'm familiar with have started staffing positions with individuals lacking leadership abilities or a willingness to learn them. The focus has shifted off of the student and seems to have been replaced with an attitude of what's good for the instructor, their personal portfolios, their accomplishments and their accolades. Now I wonder what impact this will have on generations to come. Accolades Now I wonder what impact this will have on generations to come. Students go where they are led. They learn what they're taught. The lack of true leaders in these roles will only result in a culture of calamity, an entire generation of graduates only concerned with what's in it for them. Maybe that's already happening Now.

Speaker 1: 2:48

Perhaps I have the wrong idea of higher education. Whatever happened to having a mentor or teaching students how to think, not what to think? Is it a leadership issue or an education issue? Well, I'm not quite sure. What I do know is that a scarcity of both of these creates confusion. When did it become the status quo. To blame the student. Now I get it. Some students just don't cut it. It happens. Not every student is meant for success on a college level. But that doesn't mean the instructors and leaders don't have a responsibility to the students. Where is their accountability Now?

Speaker 1: 3:30

As a parent navigating what I call the cesspool of our current higher education system, it can be exasperating. It's like we have an entire generation of department heads, advisor and instructors that just graduated and have no idea what the real world is like Now. These are not leaders. These are leaders in training Training without guidance and at the cost of your child's education and future, not to mention the future of our country. So what happens? You have unqualified, immature instructors lacking professionalism. They can only teach what they know, and what they know is limited. However, if a student is not responsive to their limited abilities or they don't fit the mold, the student becomes the problem.

Speaker 1: 4:17

Now I understand. Nobody wants to be the bad guy in their own story. So when a parent says something, they become the overprotective parent of an undisciplined child of the snowflake generation. Now I know that was a specific example and I'm gonna tell you I was not the target of the snowflake generation. Now, I know that was a specific example and I'm going to tell you I was not the target of the statement. But the point is, nobody should ever be the target of the statement. Talk about the ultimate gaslighting experience.

Speaker 1: 4:42

Students and parents will get statements like well, perhaps your child overloaded themselves or took the wrong classes? Well, that's interesting, since students must be advised to take classes. Or, my favorite, perhaps they have a personality conflict with their instructor? Well, they probably do, because the student's personality is still developing. I would think that the instructor's personality is developed, which would imply that they have the maturity and ability to navigate conflict better than the student, unless, of course, they have a personality disorder or the maturity level of a fifth grader. Then I would ask why are they in charge in the first place? You know there was a time when people in higher education had a commitment to the student, not their own development. The commitment brought pride, responsibility and personal accountability. Now it seems to be replaced with avoidance, blame and self-indulgence.

Speaker 1: 5:40

I know this is a rant and I hope you understand this is only my opinion. I realize this doesn't apply to everyone in higher education. You know, I have friends that work in the system and they are very good professionals and there are many great professional people working in this system. They're making every effort they can to be a positive influence for students. Unfortunately, they're often overwhelmed, undersupported and discouraged, which leads to burnout and a mass exodus of qualified, caring individuals. I can only imagine the level of frustration they experience, struggling with the immaturity of a student population which is expected only to be faced with the immaturity of peers, department heads and administration. I do offer my sincerest gratitude to those people who are fighting the good fight. Now. For the others, I have little to say except grow up. You only have the job because of students.

Speaker 1: 6:39

If you can't look past your arrogance, your ego or your insecurities, then perhaps you would benefit from therapy. You know, I know a good podcast that you can listen to as a start. Now, I'm not offering these words as an offense. If you are offended, then I would suggest you look within. It may be stirring up something for you to reflect on. It's uncomfortable when things hit close to home. Perhaps it angers you because you see the struggle and feel powerless to change it. Perhaps you're ambivalent. Well then, I encourage you to take heed, because the products of these institutions will likely be running the world someday, perpetuating a cycle of poor leadership, a cycle of manipulation and abuse. Just because you have a title or a degree does not make you an effective leader. You know, I've always told my son, if you have to stand on the chair and yell that you are the leader, then you probably are not the leader. So this is why I've decided to throw my hat in the ring of leadership development with this episode. I appreciate you allowing me to rant and if you have comments or feedback, please feel free to email me at the end of this episode.

Speaker 1: 7:49

But before we get started, let me remind you again nothing provided in this podcast implies a therapeutic relationship between counselor and client. It is solely for education and entertainment. I hope to empower you to become more self-aware and challenge you to create the life you desire. Counseling can help you overcome challenges, enhance your relationships and develop skills to lead the life you want. Counseling can help you overcome challenges, enhance your relationships and develop skills to lead the life you want. If you're considering therapy, then please reach out to a trained, licensed professional in your community If you are interested in seeking counseling in the Monroe Louisiana area, or if you live anywhere in Louisiana and you are interested in participating in teletherapy with state-approved professionals, then contact the providers at HealthPoint Center. Change starts here. Psychology and Counseling Services. Healthpoint is a collaboration of independent professionals who are dedicated to improving your quality of life and guiding you on a positive path toward change. That's HealthPoint Center, located at 1818 Avenue of America, monroe, louisiana. Call today to inquire about services providers or book an appointment at area code 318-998-2700.

Speaker 1: 9:01

Well, it's that time again. So pull up a cushion, kick off your shoes and grab a cup of coffee. Let's get started with the session Now. When you hear the word leadership, what comes to mind? Maybe you think of a corporate CEO, a political leader or even a sports coach. But leadership isn't reserved for formal titles or corner offices. Leadership is for anyone who wants to make a positive impact on others. They want to influence change or simply guide a team or your family, big or small, toward a shared goal.

Speaker 1: 9:35

Here's what we're going to be covering in today's episode. We're going to take a look at the foundations of effective leadership, what it truly means to lead and why self-awareness is the cornerstone of growth. We're going to look at essential leadership skills like communication, emotional intelligence and decision making. We're going to look at essential leadership skills like communication, emotional intelligence and decision making. We'll also consider common leadership pitfalls and how to avoid them, as well as practical strategies for cultivating leadership in your daily life, whether you're a manager trying to motivate your team, or a parent guiding your child, or someone just looking to lead yourself for more intention and purpose than this episode's for you. So let's start with the foundations of effective leadership. Let's break this down even further to fully understand the foundations of effective leadership. You know leadership is more than a role. It's a way of being, and building the right foundation is critical to long-term success.

Speaker 1: 10:31

When most people think of leadership, they think of positions of authority managers, ceos, coaches, instructors or even political leaders. But here's the truth Leadership doesn't require a title. It's not about the size of your team or your place on an organizational chart. Leadership is about influence. Remember if you have to stand on a chair and yell that you're the leader while everybody else is walking out the door, then you probably are not the leader. Think of somebody in your life who has influenced you in a meaningful way. Maybe it was a teacher who inspired you to believe in yourself, or a colleague who challenged you to think differently. Often, these people aren't in positions of power. They're just individuals who made a difference by their actions, their words or their presence. Now, here are a few principles to keep in mind.

Speaker 1: 11:21

Leadership is about service. It's not about being in charge, but about supporting and uplifting others. Leadership is earned. It's not given. People don't follow titles. They follow individuals that they trust and they respect. Leadership is about relationships. You can't lead effectively without understanding and connecting with the people around you. Now I want you to take another minute and reflect on the people that you have influenced in your life. It could be at work, at home or even in your own community. What did you do that made them trust or respect you? How did you treat them? How did you show up in that relationship? Now, before you can effectively lead other people, you need to learn to lead yourself, and this requires self-discipline, self-awareness and personal accountability.

Speaker 1: 12:21

I believe that self-awareness is the cornerstone of leadership. It's about understanding your strengths, your weaknesses, emotions and behaviors and how these impact other people. A leader who lacks self-awareness may unintentionally alienate their team or fail to address their own blind spots. So some questions for you to reflect on when you're considering self-awareness. Number one how do you typically respond under stress? This is important because, as a leader, there'll be lots of stress. Number two are there behaviors or habits that might unintentionally frustrate or confuse other people? Unintentionally frustrate or confuse other people? Finally, do you understand how your emotions influence your decisions? Now I encourage you to start a self-awareness journal Each day. Reflect on situations where your emotions influenced your actions. Ask yourself what triggered my reaction. Was my response productive and how could I handle this better next time? You can't be afraid to look within if you really want to lead other people. This is what makes being a true leader difficult, and this is why many people are not leaders.

Speaker 1: 13:41

Next, I believe it's important to recognize the role your core values play in developing your leadership style. Core values are your personal compass. They guide your decisions, shape your priorities and reflect what matters most to you as a leader. Living by your core values builds trust and authenticity. When your actions align with your values, well then people are more likely to respect and follow you. Some examples of core values Integrity. This could be an entire episode just itself. Simply put, integrity is the quality of being honest and exercising consistency of action between your principles and your values.

Speaker 1: 14:27

Next, empathy, now. I love Brene Brown's description of empathy. Empathy is a tool of compassion. It's an emotional skill set that allows us to understand what someone is experiencing and reflect back that understanding. You know, empathy is not walking a mile in someone else's shoes. I need to listen to your story about what it's like in your shoes and believe you, even when it doesn't match my own story. That's true empathy.

Speaker 1: 14:57

Another core value is perseverance. Now there's an interesting story about a POW, james Stocksdale, held captive in Hanoi during the Vietnam War. He was sent to a POW camp that was famous for its brutal treatment of prisoners. Now, what got him through more than seven years of imprisonment was perseverance and stoicism. You know, it not only helped Stocksdale get through his imprisonment, but it helped him refrain from betraying himself and his country. He was able to internally uphold his moral code. He accepted the fact that he couldn't control his external circumstances. Instead, he mastered his internal dialogue and his feelings. That is persevering. It's not simply getting through it. It's getting through it while still maintaining your morality and your humanity.

Speaker 1: 15:50

Next, accountability. Now, this is the state of being accountable, or answering for one's actions or decisions. I love the story that President Truman had a sign on his desk that read the buck stops here Now. This is the president responsible for authorizing the use of the atomic bomb to end World War II. It's not just about making tough decisions. It's about taking responsibility for them and for those in your charge. Accountability is really about being held account for your abilities.

Speaker 1: 16:23

Finally, growth Having a growth mindset is so important to effective leadership. Without growth, there's no movement. We remain complacent, and if we're not moving, then there's no place to lead. We remain just the way we've always been. This requires being open-minded to change, to feedback and even to criticism. It requires willingness and, most importantly, a direction. So I want you to think about three moments in your life where you felt proud of yourself. What qualities or values were at play? Then I want you to write down five words that describe the principles you want to live by. Ask yourself are these values reflected in the way that I lead? Now, why does this matter? Imagine a leader whose core value is integrity, but he cuts corners to meet deadlines. That inconsistency erodes trust. On the other hand, when your values and actions align, you create credibility and you foster loyalty.

Speaker 1: 17:31

Leaders also need to have a vision, a clear sense of direction or purpose that guides them and inspires them. Vision isn't about having all the answers. It's about seeing possibilities and working toward them with clarity and determination. Vision provides focus. Without vision, leadership becomes reactive rather than proactive. Vision inspires others. A clear vision gives people something to rally behind. It creates momentum. Knowing where they're going keeps you motivated even when challenges arise. So how do you craft a vision? First, start with purpose. Ask yourself what impact do I want to make? Next, be specific. A vague vision doesn't inspire. For example, instead of I want to help people try. I want to create opportunities for underrepresented communities to succeed. And then share your vision. The more you articulate your vision, the more real it becomes, not just for you, but for the people you're leading.

Speaker 1: 18:42

Leadership is rewarding, but it's not always easy. There will be challenges, setbacks and criticism. Emotional resilience the ability to bounce back from adversity is essential. So how do you build emotional resilience? You want to start by reframing challenges. Instead of viewing setbacks as failures, see them as opportunities to learn and grow. You want to practice self-care. Burnout doesn't just affect you, it affects everybody that you lead. Make time for rest, exercise and activities that recharge you. Next, you want to seek support. Great leaders will surround themselves with mentors, peers and even therapists who can provide guidance and encouragement.

Speaker 1: 19:35

A growth mindset and leadership is also very important. A fixed mindset believes leadership is something you're either born with or not. A growth mindset understands that leadership is a skill that can be developed with effort and persistence. Embrace the growth mindset to become the leader you want. To be. Be open to feedback. See constructive criticism as an opportunity to improve and not a personal attack. Learn from failures.

Speaker 1: 20:07

Every leader stumbles at some point. What separates great leaders is their willingness to reflect, adapt and try again and finally celebrate progress. Leadership development takes time. Acknowledge your wins, no matter how small, but, most importantly, acknowledge the wins of your team. Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other. That's a quote from John F Kennedy. Leadership is less about commanding others and more about leading by example, creating trust and inspiring others through your actions.

Speaker 1: 20:42

To summarize the foundational elements leadership is about influence, not authority elements. Leadership is about influence, not authority. It begins with self-awareness and leading yourself effectively. It's about your core values as your personal compass. Live by them consistently. Vision provides direction and inspires others to follow. Emotional resilience and a growth mindset ensure that you can handle the ups and downs of leadership. With this foundation, you're ready to start building the specific skills and habits that will make you a more effective leader.

Speaker 1: 21:19

Next, we're going to look into key skills that every leader needs to master. Now that we've laid the foundation, let's talk about the skills that make you a truly effective leader. The first is communication. Great leaders are great communicators. Now, this doesn't mean that you have to be a polished public speaker, but it does mean you need to know how to clearly articulate your vision so others understand your goals. You need to actively listen to the concerns and the ideas of others, and you need to adapt your communication style to different people and different situations. Proactive listening by summarizing what someone has said before responding, for example, what I hear you say is is an excellent tip on effective communication.

Speaker 1: 22:11

The next is emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, or your EQ, is the ability to understand and manage your emotions, while also recognizing and influencing the emotions of others, and there are four key components to this. The first is self-awareness recognizing your own emotions, self-regulation, managing your own emotional responses, empathy, understanding the emotions of others. And social skills building positive relationships. A high EQ helps you build trust, manage conflict and create supportive environments where others can thrive.

Speaker 1: 22:53

Next is decision making. Leaders face tough decisions daily, so effective decision making involves gathering the right information, considering short and long-term consequences, consulting with others when it's appropriate and having the courage to make a call even when it's uncomfortable. Next, you'll need adaptability. The world is constantly changing and great leaders are those who can pivot when needed. Adaptability doesn't mean being wishy-washy. It means being open to new ideas and willing to adjust your plan when circumstances change. Finally, there's building and motivating teams. No leader succeeds alone. Learning how to build a strong team and motivate them toward success is critical Now. This includes delegating tasks effectively, recognizing and rewarding contributions, and creating a culture of trust and collaboration.

Speaker 1: 23:58

Now let's take a look at some of the common leadership pitfalls. You know. Even the best leaders make mistakes. The key is recognizing these pitfalls and addressing them early. The first one is micromanaging. Micromanaging erodes trust and stifles creativity. Instead of micromanaging, focus on setting clear expectations and providing support. Another pitfall is avoiding difficult conversations. Leaders must address issues head-on, whether it's poor performance or interpersonal conflicts. Avoiding these conversations only makes the problems worse.

Speaker 1: 24:39

One of the things I like to tell young people, particularly in therapy, is that when you learn how to have uncomfortable conversations in a therapy session with me or with somebody else. It's like a superpower, and it's a superpower that you're going to be able to access the rest of your life. When you understand that I can have uncomfortable conversations with people, use it, because one day you're going to have an uncomfortable conversation with a boss when you ask for a raise, You're going to have an uncomfortable conversation with your kid when you have to ground them, or you're going to have an uncomfortable conversation with your spouse or your neighbor or your friend. So learning early on to embrace difficult conversations will serve you. But it's important to have a plan. So some people will recommend using the framework SBI.

Speaker 1: 25:33

Now, what that stands for is situation, behavior and impact, for example. Situation, I would say in yesterday's team meeting, behavior you interrupted several team members. Impact, which made it difficult for them to share their ideas. This is just an excellent model of how to address or how to initiate an uncomfortable conversation. Now another pitfall and this is huge is failing to model behavior. If you're not modeling the behavior you expect from others, you immediately lose credibility. Remember, your actions set the tone for your team and your group. Well, let's bring it all together with actionable strategies that you can start using today.

Speaker 1: 26:20

First, start small Leadership. Opportunities are everywhere. Volunteer to lead a project at work, organize a community event, take initiative in family decisions. These small moments will build your leadership muscles. Next, seek feedback. Ask for feedback from your peers, mentors or even those that you do lead. A simple question like what's one thing I could do better as a leader can yield valuable insights. Next, always invest in personal development.

Speaker 1: 26:53

Read books on leadership, take courses or find a mentor. Leadership is a skill that requires ongoing growth. Now I recommend reading Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek, dare to Lead by Brene Brown, and the Five Levels of Leadership by John Maxwell. These are great places to start. Next, build relationships. Remember, leadership is about people, so invest in building strong, authentic relationships. This means showing empathy, celebrating successes and being there during tough times. Finally, reflect and adjust. Take time to reflect on your leadership journey what's working and what's not and adjust your approach as needed.

Speaker 1: 27:45

Now we covered a lot today, including my rant at the beginning of this, from the foundations of leadership to practical strategies that you can start implementing right away. Now, remember leadership isn't about being perfect. It's about being intentional, learning from your mistakes and growing every day. If there's one thing I want you to take away, it's this Leadership starts with you. By leading yourself with integrity and purpose, you naturally inspire those people around you. I want to thank you so much for spending time with me and listening to the Counselor's Couch. If you found this episode helpful, then please share it with somebody who might benefit from it. And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. And, as I said, we'll probably continue to do some leadership development sessions in the near future because I think it's something that's so important. And, as always, I'd love to hear from you. What leadership lessons have you learned? What challenges are you facing? Drop me a message or connect with me on social media Now.

Speaker 1: 28:47

Today, I want to leave you with a quote from author and modern-day stoic, ryan Holiday. History is replete with ambitious, successful people Decency, honor, kindness. We see much less of this. To be good and good at what you do this is more than rare. It makes you a unicorn. Remember, folks, life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. You are not alone. You're more capable than you will ever know, so embrace it. Live intentionally, love daily and laugh often. Do your best today and become what you can, because the world needs you.

Speaker 1: 29:28

Please subscribe and follow me on whatever format you use to listen to podcasts, and remember to take a moment to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Give us a shout out and let me know what you think, and take a minute to share the episode with a friend or family member. I really want to get the message out there that you are not alone. Connection is key. Remember. You can also show your support at wwwbuymeacoffeecom backslash the counselor's couch, or by clicking on the show your support link in every episode description.

Speaker 1: 29:59

If you have any questions or comments about this podcast, you can email them directly to the counselor's couch at gmailcom, or you can reach me on Facebook at the Counselor's Couch. You can even check out my personal website at wwwcalvincwilliamslpccom. Or if you'd like to schedule a therapy session with me, then contact us at HealthPoint Center, area code 318-998-2700. I really do always look forward to hearing from listeners, so please feel free to submit topics of interest, comments or questions. Keep coming back. Thanks again for stopping by and remember, folks, there's always room for you on the counselor's couch.